Hands Off: Learning to Set Boundaries

Today I want to talk about something crucial: setting boundaries or, what I like to call, being "Hands Off."

If you're the kind of person who has a roommate and you constantly see their dirty dishes, shoes in the living room, and clothes all over the place, and you find yourself picking up after them, let me ask you this: Do you think you're actually helping them? The answer is no. You're just spending your energy and time cleaning up after someone else.

Or maybe you're in a relationship where your partner drinks too much, parties every day, or eats unhealthy. You might avoid buying alcohol or junk food, hoping they'll change. But even if you don't bring these things into the house, they'll find a way to get them.

When I say "hands off," this is what I mean: Not interfering in someone else’s life. It's about setting boundaries that help you to be at peace with yourself. Start by thinking about the kind of boundaries you want in your household. Have what I call a "ten-minute sweaty conversation" with your roommate, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or whoever. Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it unkindly or meanly. For example, "Can I ask you a favor? From now on, please clean your dishes and put your shoes away. I almost tripped the other day because of the shoes left in the living room."

Once you set these boundaries, stick to them. Don't pick up after that person and see what happens. It might take some time, but eventually, they'll realize they need to clean up after themselves. This is what I mean by "hands off" – not doing things for others that they can do for themselves.

Why am I sharing this? Because these are things I work on in my own life. The more I take a hands-off approach with my young adult daughters, the better they become at managing their responsibilities. Otherwise, I'm just enabling them, not helping.

If you're constantly nagging or scolding someone, you're not helping. If someone wants to eat cookies despite your warnings about weight gain, they will continue to do so. But remember, it's not you who feels bad or looks in the mirror with regret – it's them.

Focus on yourself, get busy and do the things that you need to get done. Lead by example. TAKE ACTION ON YOUR DREAM OR GOAL. Enjoy meeting a friend for coffee or going on  a walk or exercising, nourish your body with all kinds of good foods, and do what's good for you. By doing this, you're more likely to inspire others. Over time, they'll start making better choices too.

So, remember: Hands Off! Trust that people will eventually take responsibility for themselves. It might take time, but positive changes will happen.

Remember: You are NOT responsible for them, You are only responsible for yourself and your well being.