Have the Relationship of Your Dreams

Do you have any relationships in your life that feel like they’re on autopilot? As someone who has been married for almost 28 years, I understand firsthand that relationships require constant effort and care to really thrive. Many years ago, though, my husband and I found ourselves in a phase where we were feeling distant and disconnected from each other. Our interactions lacked the warmth and emotional connection that our relationship used to be filled with. For me, I knew I didn't want to continue in that pattern, so I decided to take action. Here’s my story in how my husband and I overcame this hurdle in our relationship.

Many years ago, before I really started doing inner work and going to therapy, my husband and I would wake up and start getting ready for the day with some well-worn habits. I would kiss my husband without even looking him in the eyes, and off we went to work separately, even though we worked together at the time. When we would come home, we weren't very affectionate or connected. We weren't present in the moments when we kissed or hugged each other, not really feeling the warmth and love in those moments. We were disconnected. We weren't in alignment emotionally, physically, or mentally. I was becoming more distant from him and I didn't like it.

I started thinking, "Is this what marriage is all about? No, it cannot be this way." I began to wonder what I could do to change the situation, to feel more closeness, love, affection, connectedness, fun, caring, and harmony in our relationship. We were going through the motions like a habit, doing the same things every day, and it felt like we were growing apart instead of closer together.

One day, I decided to take my journal and went to a beautiful lake near where I lived. I was there, enjoying the beauty of Mother Nature, and then I got quiet. As I've said before, I allowed my mind to stop the chatter and I connected to my divine source, my beloved God, and asked for help. I believe that God speaks to us in many different ways, and one of them is through that still, small voice. I call it my INTUITION. I started dreaming up the kind of relationship I wanted to have with my husband, and even the relationship I wanted to have with myself. It had to start with me.

I wanted to be more caring, more loving, more affectionate. I imagined coming downstairs in the morning, pouring him some coffee, pouring myself some coffee, and giving him a big smooch or a kiss on his beautiful lips, then hugging him and saying, "Good morning, babe." I started dreaming up what I wanted for myself in this relationship, so that I could apply it to my husband as well. Then I started writing down my vision, my dreams of how I wanted our relationship to be - loving, caring, affectionate, connected, living in gratitude, calm, having fun, playing golf, going on walks together, and communicating in a calm and healthy way, among many other things.

All of that was wonderful, but in order for us to have the kind of relationship that I wanted, he had to want the same thing. The great thing was, he was feeling the same way. So I started working on myself, and I started taking action on what I would love in my vision of being with the man of my DREAMS. Now, my husband and I are so connected. Sometimes we don't even need to talk, and then we say something and we're thinking the exact same thing. That's how perfect we are for each other as soulmates.

Everything I wrote down that day at the lake in my vision for my relationship with my husband is exactly what I have now. I read that vision every day and I was passionate about what I wanted. I took action on making that vision a reality one day at a time. Within two weeks, I started to sense a shift in our relationship. That isn’t to say it was always easy. There were times when we faced challenges and setbacks. But having a clear intention and vision for our relationship helped us stay focused and committed to each other.

The act of setting an intention and writing a vision helped me gain clarity and direction. It provided me with a roadmap for how I wanted to navigate my relationship and create the kind of connection I wanted. I took small steps, like expressing my love and affection towards my husband in simple ways, such as sharing a morning coffee with a kiss and a hug. I communicated my desires and dreams for the relationship with my husband, and we eventually found ourselves on the same page.

Fast forward to now, the relationship I have with my husband is amazing. It's so beautiful to look back now many years later, and my husband and I have an incredible relationship and marriage where we can't keep our hands off of each other. We hug, we kiss, we empower each other, we help each other grow. We're there for each other on bad days, we support each other on good days. It's the true embodiment of unconditional love.

Through this journey, I learned that relationships require intentional effort and constant nurturing. It's not enough to just go through the motions of daily life; we need to invest time and energy into creating the kind of relationship we desire. Setting an intention and writing a vision gave me a sense of purpose and direction in my relationship. It helped me to be more present in the moment, appreciate the little things, and express my love and gratitude towards my husband.

Renewing the love and passion in my relationship with my husband was not an overnight process, but it was 100% worth it. Our relationship has blossomed into a deeper and more meaningful connection. We now share a renewed sense of love, affection, and joy, and our relationship continues to evolve and grow.

Now apply this to yourself. The great thing is you can use these tools in any relationship - not just a romantic partnership. If there is discord with your boyfriend, girlfriend, sister, brother, mom, your boss, your employee - it doesn’t matter. Set an intention in your MIND and write a vision for who you want to show up in that relationship and then write a vision for the feeling you want to have with that other person. Reflect on what you truly desire in your relationship and take small steps towards nurturing that vision. Remember that relationships require effort, love, and continuous care. Be intentional, communicate openly with your loved one, and be present in the moment. With commitment and dedication, you can have fulfilling and joyful relationships with all the important people in your life.