Setting Boundaries Even When It's Uncomfortable

My family and I just got back from a magical ski trip at the Yellowstone Club in Montana. It was truly a winter wonderland, we had beautiful family bonding time, and the scenery was gorgeous. My husband and kids are all fairly confident on skis and snowboards and this was only my second time on the slopes. Needless to say, there were many lessons learned this past week both on a physical level and on an emotional level. One of the main things that came up for me, was to listen to my own guidance regardless of the pressure I was feeling from other people around me - even when they did not mean to. Let me explain.

I took a full-day one-on-one private ski lesson while I was up in Montana pretty early on in our trip. My instructor taught me so much, but one of the most important things that she said to me was if you are not sure or are feeling uneasy about something when you’re skiing, just don’t do it. Even if your husband or a loved one is asking you to go a certain way or go down a certain run, if you are not sure, don’t do it. Just don't do it. Follow your heart. You are in control.

Our very last day at the Yellowstone Club, I really wanted to put into practice all that I had been learning. I had gotten much better at skiing over the course of the week and I felt like I had been doing a pretty good job. I went out to hit the slopes with my husband, and bless his beautiful heart, he really wanted to help me. I felt like he was giving me tips and telling me what to do (for the most part) the whole time we were out together.

I was patient and I listened. We got off the gondola and went to the area that I wanted to be in, where I felt comfortable in this beginner area with the runs. I did that and I did a very good job, actually. I'm proud of myself for skiing down the mountain with my husband and enjoying it. I remember doing the turns, lifting and stopping, the S, the Z, the J, and all of those kinds of things. Just technical stuff about skiing.

Getting back to what I'm here to share with you, while we were skiing together, my husband was non-stop telling me what to do. It got to the point where I started getting nervous and fearful, but I didn't tell him that. He wanted me to ski all the way down to the house where we were staying, my son’s father-in-law’s house, which is ski-in/ski-out. I didn't want to do ski-in/ski-out, but my husband was, in a loving way, pressuring me to do that.

After I’d had enough, I finally put my foot down and I said, "You know what? Thank you, but no thank you. I don't want to do that." But he didn't stop. Bottom line, this is the lesson, the teaching for me that I finally said, "Look, I know that there's a lot of things that you want me to do, but I'm not ready. I don't feel comfortable to ski all the way down on a green run and it could be narrower and I'm not ready. I'm not." Obviously, he was not too happy with my decision, but I felt good about what I did because I really listened to my intuition and spoke from my heart. It was a good thing for me.

What's good for me is not always good for others, and sometimes we are going to disappoint our loved ones, but let that be okay. Let that be okay because at the end, you need to look out for yourself. No one in this world will care for you more than you, and I mean no one. You are always in charge of taking care of yourself and your well-being. Your loved ones, hopefully, want what’s best for you but they don’t know your truth. That day my husband thought that what was best for me was to ski down to the house on a narrower, more difficult run than I was comfortable with.

I didn't feel that was the right thing for me, and he didn't like it, but you know what? I felt good about standing my ground. My kids were even coming up the gondola to watch me go down the run. I felt a bit bad about disappointing them. Turns out, they were totally cool and respectful about it and they just kept snowboarding.

The moral of the story here? Don't ever let anyone else push you to do anything that you don't want to do. Follow your heart, follow your gut. You are your highest authority. And always watch out for yourself!